Per Christum

One of my favorite blogs as of late is Retractiones, the journey of an evangelical who is considering Catholicism and Orthodoxy. I haven’t commented there much, simply for lack of time, but I read it regularly with great joy and interest. I am probably so interested in the thoughts and journey of “Irenaeus,” because I was once where he was. His thoughts have got me thinking a little bit about how I went from evangelical to Catholic.

Every evangelical who becomes Catholic (or Orthodox even) has something that starts the process, i.e. sparks the interest in ancient and catholic things. For me, it was the Church Fathers and Church history, both which I first discovered in 1999. At the time, I was an evangelical, active in the Navigators and Campus Crusade for Christ, but having issues with the theology and practices I encountered in both groups. One extreme example of the problems was when a Campus Crusade leader spoke on John 1:1, and was glad to read that the Bible was called “God!!” An Early Christianity class I took with a devoted and scholarly Orthodox professor opened my eyes to the treasure that is ancient Christianity. I was shocked that I had never heard of the Church Fathers before, let alone their thoughts and ideas. I became increasingly more concerned that the evangelical Christianity I knew so well seemed so different from the Christianity of those who lived immediately after Christ. Soon after the class ended, I went out and bought the entire 38 volume set of Fathers put out by Hendrickson Publishing. But nonetheless, like our friend “Irenaeus,” I moved slowly and incrementally, not able to make the leap immediately into Catholicism or Orthodoxy, for theological, social, and other reasons. I did find evangelicals and other Protestants that seemed to appreciate the Fathers. When I saw that the Episcopal church embraced (at least in theory) a lot of what the Fathers seemed to teach, like baptismal regeneration, Eucharistic Real Presence, liturgical worship, hierarchy within the Church, etc. I became Anglican, which having grown up as an evangelical, was itself a major step, but since I could point to popular Anglican evangelical authors, friends and family weren’t as shocked as had I become Catholic or Orthodox. I just could not make the leap to Catholicism or Orthodoxy.

As I mentioned above, even though I read many Catholic and Orthodox authors (including many Patristic and Medieval writers both privately and later in grad school), I was also influenced by catholic-leaning evangelicals like Robert Webber and Thomas Oden. In fact, I owe the late Robert Webber a debt of gratitude. Even though I have come to disagree with many of his conclusions, Webber helped me become Catholic. In fact, some anti-Catholic websites cited Webber’s influence on me as proof that the newest generation of evangelicals (which includes Webber) is corrupting people into Catholicism!

When I eventually realized that the Anglican Communion did not possess Catholic authority, and had no real “core” beliefs, I knew I finally had to make the jump to either Orthodoxy or Catholicism. Mind you, this is 5 years after I initially discovered the Fathers…5 years! Like Irenaeus, at this point, I seriously explored Orthodoxy and Catholicism. Even though most people who knew me probably would have guessed that I would become Orthodox at some point, I became convinced of the claims of the Catholic Church for a variety of reasons, which I have outlined in my conversion story, which saves me from typing them out here (whew!).

When I think back to the twists and turns my journey into the Catholic Church took, and how much time and energy it would have saved me to just jump in and become Catholic back in 2000, I also remind myself that it is never that easy to simply “jump in” without being emotionally and socially ready, although once we become convinced of the Truth of the Catholic Church, it is imperative that we join as soon as possible. Becoming Catholic organically and naturally, rather than jumping in without proper study and prayer, has likely made me a stronger and more faithful Catholic today than had I just jumped in. I look back and fear that had I become Catholic while at grad school, I would have gotten a warped sense of Catholicism from some of the Catholics there (one Catholic student there wrote in my graduate school’s newsletter that a nun patting a woman’s head was a lesbian “sexual experience”).

For Irenaeus: know that many of us here have been where you all, and are praying for you on your journey, and wherever you end up, and however long it takes you to get there, we will continue to enjoy your reflections and insights.