Today, St. Francis de Sales spoke to me of me while reading his Introduction to the Devout Life. And what did he tell me about me?
About the affection that I have for sin.
This is what he said:
ALL the children of Israel went forth from the land of Egypt, but not all went forth heartily, and so, when wandering in the desert, some of them sighed after the leeks and onions,—the fleshpots of Egypt. Even so there are penitents who forsake sin, yet without forsaking their sinful affections; that is to say, they intend to sin no more, but it goes sorely against them to abstain from the pleasures of sin;—they formally renounce and forsake sinful acts, but they turn back many a fond lingering look to what they have left, like Lot’s wife as she fled from Sodom. They are like a sick man who abstains from eating melon when the doctor says it would kill him, but who all the while longs for it, talks about it, bargains when he may have it, would at least like just to sniff the perfume, and thinks those who are free to eat of it very fortunate. And so these weak cowardly penitents abstain awhile from sin, but reluctantly;—they would fain be able to sin without incurring damnation;—they talk with a lingering taste of their sinful deeds, and envy those who are yet indulging in the like. Thus a man who has meditated some revenge gives it up in confession, but soon after he is to be found talking about the quarrel, averring that but for the fear of God he would do this or that; complaining that it is hard to keep the Divine rule of forgiveness; would to God it were lawful to avenge one’s self! Who can fail to see that even if this poor man is not actually committing sin, he is altogether bound with the affections thereof, and although he may have come out of Egypt, he yet hungers after it, and longs for the leeks and onions he was wont to feed upon there! It is the same with the woman who, though she has given up her life of sin, yet takes delight in being sought after and admired. Alas! of a truth, all such are in great peril.
Is Saint Francis de Sales perhaps speaking of you too?
David Bennett
Jennifer
asimplesinner
Fr. J.
Chad Toney
Jorge Flores
Jonathan B
carmelbennett
nicenehobbit
Jason S
jaybird68
papaz
June 18, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Yes, Jorge, he is speaking of me, you betcha. I’m older — I’ve buried my whole original family and I’ve raised two sets of kids and sheltered a number of folks; I’ve worked my tail off for kids and for the Church, and all through it, anywhere after the age of 7 years and 1 second, I sinned daily. After my suicide attempt for being such a horror to God, God put me (cradle Catholic) in touch with His Son, finally, Who reflects a God of mercy, and I fell deeply in love. But that didn’t do away with my humanity, just as it didn’t Paul’s or Peter’s nor even that of the author of the uncharitable words above. I go to confession regularly, and meanwhile, I battle a lot of passions, not least of all while in an 8-year span of re-virginity after my first *marriage* broke up. But daily, yes, you betcha, and sometimes it really doesn’t thrill me. Go figure. I’m afraid I’m human. Whether declared saints or not, people who don’t live in the midst of the world their whole waking time their whole lives have no idea how heroically is lived this faith by so many others.
Paul called it the good fight and the great race, and we are told to persevere. I am doing so. I defended this Church to the eyeballs when so many of her holy sons were in hiding from touching children, and I have gone through training programs in order to continue teaching parish children. Etcetera. I and all my friends are battling the non-euphoria of being married 25 years to folks who would use us like meat and think nothing of it. We’re trying to yank them up a notch. But I only confess whatever I sin.