U.S. Catholic Bishops have recently approved a letter in defense of marriage, with the goal of clarifying Church Teaching and emphasizing the value of the vocation of marriage.
Unfortunately, marriage (and any sort of commitment that requires, well, commitment) is not exactly valued in our culture. While most conservatives are quick to blame “gay marriage,” heterosexuals have done more than their fair-share to devalue marriage in our culture. While I am not saying gay unions are morally acceptable, I am saying that if you want to see the biggest casualties of the sexual revolution (at least numberswise), one only need to look at the number of “broken homes” led by heterosexuals. Even in conservative rural Ohio, it is common for heterosexual Christians to rail against gay marriage while co-habitating, and/or putting life’s whims ahead of their children. My point is that all of us can be challenged regarding marriage, and a lot of people will miss out if we just view this document as simply being about gay marriage. The beauty of the Catholic Church is that it has a challenge for all of us.
I think that if we really want to change the way marriage is viewed in our culture, then we should start within our own Church. It is hard to ask secular Americans to take marriage seriously if we don’t. I hope this document helps Catholics better understand that marriage is a vocation, and a commitment that requires work and prayer. It is not about fancy dresses, having a great reception party, or “living happily ever after” in a blissful emotional state without any effort. Like other vocations, marriage requires great work but also gives great joy. Many Catholics I know do not even think about discerning a vocation to marriage, but, if we believe marriage is a vocation, and a lifelong commitment, then before we get married, we should go through some serious discernment.
I can hear the objections now: how dare the bishops, unmarried men, talk about marriage? Well, logically, unmarried men can speak true things about marriage. Plus, Jesus and Paul were unmarried men, and we listen to them (and I am aware some scholars insist Jesus was married, and some scholars also believe Paul corrupted the faith). As I have said, I sincerely hope Catholics will use the release of this document as a time to reflect upon and strengthen our understanding of marriage.
Update: Read the complete text, Love and Life in the Divine Plan
David Bennett
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I think you nailed it with this statement:
I think that if we really want to change the way marriage is viewed in our culture, then we should start within our own Church.
This is real problem, I think, for those on the conservative end of the spectrum – both Catholic and Protestant. We – and yes I include me – have shifted our focus from the goings on in the church to the goings on in the nation. Not that the nation is important, but we should not expect Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, agnostics, atheists, etc. to act according to Christian standards.
However, we should expect Christians – including me! – to act in accordance with Christian standards!
I think you are dead on in that we should act to advance the truth about marriage – its joys, difficulties, triumphs, learning moments, sacredness, etc. – through sound teaching and solid examples. As you said, “Marriage requires great work but also gives great joy.” It is worth the work, but it is still work.
Seeing people struggle through difficult times only to emerge with stronger, happier marriages has had a HUGE influence on me. I know several examples where people had a “right” to call it quits but didn’t.
Hmm… Kind of sounds like God’s relationship with us. Didn’t Paul say something about that?
BJ,
Thanks for your observations. I agree with them completely, especially the bit about how people getting through difficulties in marriage when they had the “right” to call it quits. I never really thought much about how sometimes we let ourselves off the hook too quickly, only to miss doing the work that leads to the rewards.